My mind never stops. I know, I know, “no one’s mind ever stops until they’re dead.” Well, my mind refuses to give me any sort of rest or reprieve from the constant chaos. I’m sure it is some developmental strategy or coping mechanism that was created due to a childhood full of chaos at every turn, but as an adult it is downright exhausting. I fall asleep, I dream. I have the most lucid and vibrant dreams! The problem is that sometimes I dream so much that I wake feeling more tired than I was when I went to sleep. I’m not sure that I ever enter that deep and sacred rejuvenating level of sleep. Heck, I only dream about it.
In the past I’ve found peaceful rest while practicing yoga. Oh the blessed savasana! How I love you. Heck, this new Mama will even take a balasana for a few moments if it will give me back my center. For all you busy yogis, you know exactly what I’m sayin’!
During my waking hours, I am a subconscious planner. On the outside I may be changing the baby, picking up toys, washing the dishes, teaching a class about the Civil War, etc. But inside my mind (and the committee behind the curtain) are planning for every possible scenario that might occur. They never stop.
They are passing judgements on the driver that cut across the lane without turning its blinker on. They are filing away ideas for home improvement, organization, possible dates with the husband which elicit the list of potential babysitters and so on. I used to pride myself on my natural ability to multitask, but now I’m simply starving for some peace.